Sometimes I feel myself caught up in the same shallow cycle: meet a good looking guy, become infatuated with his style, center our dates around night clubs and restaurants, become physically involved, then get to know him.... and wonder why I'm disappointed and telling my friends a story they know too well. It's the human part of me that can't stop thinking about how well his features come together. The animal in me, that's wrapped up in how his cologne meshes with his body chemistry. I can't lie and say the physical isn't important, I just wish it had less bearing on my decision making.
I've had great conversations with people I wait on, or met through friends. We will share same view points, make each other laugh, and hold each others' interest. But because 9 times out of 10, he doesn't fit the 'mold' I envisioned for myself, and therefore will be placed in my friend pile. I end up choosing the guy that everyone seems to like, and have to end up fighting for the attention of someone who probably has no intention of having something long term. I don't know why I do that, but an unspoken but understood message gets sent to my brain that tells me, "we could never be 'we' ".
But sometimes I wonder.... "could he be the one who makes me happy?" I pray I stop selling myself short, and open myself up to new possibilities. I'll be ready... soon.
That's honest and I think most people do that.
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